Vagabond

31/8/2017

I only feel myself when I'm away
when I don’t know where I’m going and my mind is running.
When I walk along unknown streets and look foreigners in the eyes
wondering what their pasts and futures might be.

I only feel myself when I’m out there
where I’ve never been
where people don’t know me and don’t expect anything from me.

I only feel myself when I’m alone
when I do what I want and go where I want.
When I miss the comfort of being with others.

I only feel myself when I’m on the road.
On a bus, on a train, on the tube, on a bike.
Always moving, always going.

I only feel myself when my mind is so preoccupied with figuring out stuff
that it barely has time to think about the mess that’s going on.
I only feel myself when I’m able to create a new me
'cause nobody knows who I am anyway
so what’s the big deal.
What would they do if they knew who I really am?

Il silenzio

7/9/2018

Posate che sbattono sul piatto
respiri lunghi come sospiri
una pancia che brontola
”mi passi l’acqua?” 
”prendi l’olio?” 
Occhi che non si incrociano mai
lacrime troppo orgogliose per cadere.
Si accende la televisione, 
non di sottofondo, perché è l’unica cosa che c’è.
Riempie questo silenzio che chiamo casa. 

Un piccolo appartamento

4/6/2018  h23:11

Cammino su una riga bianca, l’asfalto è lava
un piede davanti all’altro - a sei come a ventisei anni -
rischio, ma non poi così tanto.
Se anche perdo l’equilibrio in realtà non mi succede niente. Al limite metto un piede sul grigio.

Pelle piena di lividi, ma lividi d’amore
amore?
Usarsi a vicenda. 
Occhi gonfi e rossi pieni di lacrime
un viso di me adolescente che non mi piaceva, non lo sentivo me, eppure lo era.
Un piccolo appartamento, corpi sudati, un letto che è scomodo ma te ne accorgi solo quando ci dormi.
Carinerie che non durerebbero se non avessero i minuti contati. 
Dubbi, domande che ti poni troppo tardi. Eri impegnata a fare altro quando potevi fargliele.

Discorsi in una macchina e paura di rimanere soli
Abbracci che significano cosa? 
Per te, la voglia di riavermi
per me, l’occasione di sentire qualcosa di più forte dei pensieri che cercano di rimbombarmi in testa e neanche ci riescono.

Futuro leggermente meno incerto
passato che piano piano si cancella
presente che è tutto ciò che abbiamo, ma facciamo così tanta fatica ad accorgercene.

Col dito ripasso il tuo tatuaggio. Letterine sconosciute girano intorno al tuo braccio. 
Stasera non le prendo le pillole, mica che dopo mi viene voglia di vomitare ancora
in ricordo dei vecchi tempi.

Poesie che sembrano incomplete
forse simboleggiano noi.

Smaller than a penny

21/7/2017, Berlin

Sometimes I forget
I have a little tattoo
on the side of my ribcage  
smaller than a penny
my little secret
for you to discover
I won’t forget how you kissed it
”I didn’t see it yesterday”
you said
”it was too dark”

The seasons within me

12/11/2017

I am summer
long legs hit by the sunlight.

I am autumn
everchanging.

I am, however, mostly winter
for all the times I’ve lost my leaves
for all the times I’ve felt cracked inside
like the branches of a tree when the snow is too heavy to hold
for all the closed doors and the things left unsaid
like those houses in the mountains, with a fireplace in the living room
where you need to keep the door closed so the heat stays in
I’m right outside the door
for all the times I’ve felt alone
like a park when it’s 4.30 pm and it’s already dark
for all the tears and the runny noses
that weren’t due to the icy weather outside
for the dry skin and the fragile nails and the split ends on my hair.

But my winters are never forever
not even when it seems like it.
One day I wake up and I find a flower. It grew overnight.

The beginning of spring -
sudden
inexplicable
beautiful.

Summer

3/8/2016, London (on an overground train to Camden Road)

There’s something about summer

Something beginning with the warmth of the sun on your skin
and ending with the stickiness on the back of your neck
when you’ve worn your hair down all day
and finally tie it up into a ponytail.

There’s something about long walks by yourself
but there’s something even better about night outs with someone special.

There’s something about the confidence that summer gives you
something about your legs beneath a short skirt
about your shoulders showing out of a tank top
about the sandals leaving weird tan lines on your feet.

There’s something exciting in knowing it’s not gonna last forever
it’s only gonna be a couple months
and then it’ll be over

Something that says
take advantage of me while you can
wear those black shorts as long as you can
because they just don’t look as good in the winter
when you wear them with tights underneath.